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Sister
ShiaRose
I was around muslims since I was a
teenager, yet I wasnt informed about Islam because all I seen was "muslims"
I had ignorance in my heart as I generalized about all the muslims I
wasnt at that point in time willing to see the truth I guess one could
say I was "deaf dumb and blind"I refused to see the truth and For many
years as I played follow the leader with my friends I teased the muslim
wiomen calling them opressed and basically not in controll of their own
mind when in fact it was nme that wasnt thinking with my own mind I was
following my friends.
Though I said all these things I felt compelled towards these modest
women of which I secretly admired in my heart I would never admit these
things out of fear that my friends would reject me. I was not a very
good christian for most of my youthbut then as I was getting older I
realized that I needed spirituality so I started attending church and
became "born again" I was quite passoniate about my church ,my new
family at the church and my new personal relationship with God as I
loved God with a passion I couldnt explain .I went every wensday and
sunday to church and we had many activities between those times I was on
a roll yet I hadnt studied much into christianity I just went on what
the preacher said.I started dating a muslim and I started to try to
convince him of christianity and was pleading with him to accept Jesus
(Little that I knew he already accepted Jesus As I soon fount out .)I
started to have religious conversations with my boyfriends brother about
the faiths which braught about doubts about my faith in christianity. I
tryed to supress these doubts by convincing myself that it was the devil
leading me to such doubts, but the thaught was there so I had to see for
myself .So as any confused individual would do I went in search of truth
(actually hoping to prove Islam wrong)it would have been alot easier
than admitting I was wrong.First of all I spoke with my pastor and he
told me that muslims deny Jesus as a messenger and as the son of God .He
warned me that muslims would claim to love jesus so we (christians)
would open our heart and accept muslims So they could in effect get the
souls of the christians (almost like a competition between muslims and
christians) I later found out that the competition was purely from the
christians side. my pastor then told me that he himself had doubts
before but he overcame those doubts thru love of Jesus Christ .which led
me to the quettion that I think made him upset with me I said If he had
doubts why did he not go seek the truth instead of having just blind
faith,I also made the comment that if he was so sure in faith He would
not be afraid of seeking further into it for if he seeked truth he would
have been set free"the truth will set you free" If he was so confident
then why not as a reconfirmation of faith confirm the truth yet he
denied that simply saying thru the love of Jesus we will be saved and
doubting the love of Jesus was a grave sin.Well My next step towards
truth was going to the Mosque .I remember entering the mosque for the
first time I wasnt wearing Hijjab(veil) and the lady came over to me and
handed me a hijjab So I put it on out of respect . The first thing I
noticed was a wall hanging that said "In the name of Allah most gracious
most mercifull" I was taken back by that phrase as I stood there in a
transe I thaught aboiut those words that had so much meaning to them My
first thaught was "most gracious what would God be gracious to mere
sinners like us since we were boorn sinners why wiould we have such an
honor" I then I concentrated with the words Most mercifull wow a God
that is automatically mercifull forgives our sins because he is
mercifull "I was astonished at these words I mean this whole time I was
searching for a personal relationship with Allah All mighty thru
Christianity when in fact the relationship I could only dream of forming
was thru Islam. See in christianity I realized that your relationship
with God is thru Jesus and well I am sorry but I believe that if we need
an interseccor then the relationship is no longer "personal" ie becoming
as personal as the relationship you have with your insurance company
thru the mail carrier . As I was standing there a lady approached me and
asked if I needed help I repliied Can I purchase a Quran she replied no
need to If you do me a favor I will give you a Quran I said of course So
she then took Me in the bathroom (I was a bit hesistant) but I went
anyway She went to the sink and washed her hands, face, arms head and
feet each three times and she showed me how to do this and she explained
it was purification For reading the Quran and praying. I thanked her As
she handed me a Quran and a couple books One book teaching Salat and the
other about Fatimah Al Zahara "Fatimah the gracious"we bid farewell as I
went on my way .I read the Quran for all of that week As I was very
intrigued with the stories in it and well to be honost before I was even
through with Surah Albaqarah (the second book in the Quran) I was
convinced of the truth in it .The following Friday I went back to the
same mosque and said My Shahaddah.....LA ILLAHA ILLALLA MOHAMMEDUN
RASOOLILAH ALLAH HU AKBAR ALLAH HU AKBAR ALLAH HU AKBAR
Alhamdillah!!!!!!!!!!
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In February of 2001 I purchased a computer and immediately learned How
to chat. I went to yahoo rooms mainly and conversated with many brothers
and sisters. I remember giving this sister a site about some miracles of
Islam and she quickly got harsh with me. She said That is a SHIA SITE
and SHIAS ARE KAFFERS. Well this astonished me because in fact I was
shia yet I did not know much about what Shia's believed. In fact I
didn't know much about Sunni's either. My husband is sunni but we never
discussed religious matters so I decided to come on the net to learn
more about what sunni's believed.
As I sat in chat rooms I defended my belief as a shia yet my knowledge
was very limited so I couldn't argue with people. I still remember being
ashamed of myself when salafi's would win arguments due to my lack of
knowledge. As I grew to know many of the Muslims I befriended many of
them (salafi's mostly) and they started teaching me about what They
considered True Islam to be. Many of them grew very tolerant to my
questions knowing I hadn't equipped myself with enough knowledge of the
Shia path.
As I learned more and more It seemed that Shias were wrong but I never
verbalized it until one day I went to a store with a friend and the
owner of the store was Iraqi who was shia and became salafi. As I sat in
his store I read many books pertaining to the salafeh saleh and it
seemed rather logical still I didn't believe. So one day the owner asked
me to stay at the store while he ran some errands and I said yes. As I
was sitting in the store a brother came in who also was shia and became
salafi and we started to talk. He told me that Imam Khomeni (ra) stated
that Ali is a physical form of Allah (astaghfirr Allah) and he informed
me that he knew more about shias then I would ever know. As we discussed
more and more I became convinced of what he was saying. I thought to
myself well why would he lie. He used to be shia and now is salafi so
obviously he had more knowledge than me. I did not question him further
as I had submitted to his lies and decided that I wouldn't even ask for
daleel(truth) since there was no place he could show me from. *i.e. in
Khomeni's books* .
As I started to become salafi I surrounded myself around more and more
salafi sisters. I seen how they were and admired them for their strength
and Eman. I was almost envious because they were so knowledgeable. I
much like many new reverts expected that extremism had to be right. I
thought because they were so extreme that they had to be right so I
retook my shahaddah in front of some sisters in Ohio and proclaimed to
the world that I was salafi. As time passed I started ridiculing shias
ever so much to the point of calling them kaffers and saying I couldn't
eat their meat. I had shia friends still but I always thought they were
wrong so I stopped associating with them
. One day as I nestled down on my comfy chair I read Sahih Bukhari as I
did every night to increase my knowledge and I came across the hadith
that talked about the tragedy of Thursday. Just then I remembered
reading the same hadith in a book called Then I was Guided and
remembered where I hid it so I got up to get it to read it more. I do
admit though that I was looking to read it so I could have a better
argument against the shias. I sat down on my bed with My Quran on my
lap, Then I was guided in my hands, and Bukhari sitting on the bed next
to me so I could reference it. As I read this book I started doubting
more and more what My beliefs were. I fount the references in Bukhari
and the Quran and wished I had Sahih Muslim to reference from that also
but I was satisfied with Bukhari. As I read further and further into the
book I threw it a few times in complete frustration.. I always went and
picked it up so I could read it again. I didn't know what to do after
reading that book and I just fell on my face weeping and crying to Allah
for guidance.
I was so depressed because I didn't know how to please Allah. I asked
Allah to send me a sign or to do something that would show me which path
I should take and He did. It was rather weird also because It came Via
the internet. After I was finished praying I went to the internet to
perhaps get some answers to some of Tijani's questions. My msn messenger
popped up that I had a message so I went to read it. It was a sister
looking for someone to accompany her to Washington Dc for the Rally for
Palestine. Well of course I was truly happy because I called all the
Masjids previously that day to find a seat on a bus so I could go but to
no avail. I wrote the sister back saying I was willing to go and I would
even help out with the finances for the trip. I eagerly awaited her
reply. She wrote me back a couple hours later and said that she was
about to go to sleep and just give up when she just had the feeling to
check her email. She was surprised to see that I wrote her and She was
quite happy to have me. So We connected on AOL messenger to talk more
about it. She picked me up the next morning and we were off to
Washington.
As we were in the car I told her about being salafi and how I was having
doubts and just as she started telling me about the Ahul Bayt I
remembered that I asked Allah to guide me and show me a sign. I kept
this inside as I listened to her speak about the Ahul Bayt and the way
of the Shia. I tried to tell her some of the things that I heard but she
quickly refuted them. As we were traveling we got tired and decided to
spend the night at a Hotel. I was so tired so this came as a blessing to
me. I also needed to pray because it passed the time. As I stood in
prayer with my arms crossed I was so nervous. What if she thought I was
wrong What if she interrupted me during my prayer to correct me as many
salafi's ladies have done. I couldn't even concentrate but I finished my
prayer without a peep from her. After I was finished praying I felt the
need to explain or rather excuse my methods of praying and she informed
me that it was ok.
As we talked throughout the night she told me that she has PhD's in
religion and she has studied religion allot. I was impressed and kept
asking her questions. We didn't get much sleep that night because I had
so many questions and she had the answers to them. I felt so fulfilled
after I woke up that I rushed to pray before she woke up. As I stood in
prayer I prayed like a shia and felt so much Taqwa and Utter light upon
my heart. The same light I felt when I became a Muslim in the first
place.
On the way to Washington we visited some of her Husbands friends in VA
and they were so kind. I also asked them many questions trying to take
advantage of every moment of my journey. We attended the Rally and it
was a success and I was just so happy to have gone. On the way back I
told her that I know that Allah has guided me back to the path of Shia
Islam and I wanted to take my Shahaddah. So on the freeway I Stated
ASHADU ANLA ILLAHA ILLALLA WA ASHADU ANA MOHAMMEDUN RASOOLILAH WA ASHADU
ANLA ALIUN WALI ALLAH.. She started crying and I did also. When I
returned and told my husband and friends of my discovery they all
thought I was a joke. They said next I will be Buddhist.. But who's
laughing Now. I am and forever will be SHIA insh Allah. Alhamdoolilah.
Having your eyes covered by duct tape is never someone's choice,
through arrogance the Shaitan will keep the tape on your eyes.
If you want to see you have to pull the tape back.
It may hurt but the beauty is worth it.
Try it, pull the tape back a little.
Tell me Do you like what you see?
Do you want to see more?
its ok. It will hurt but the pain goes away.
Soon as the tape is off the beauty from Allah's light will overpowered
the pain,
What are you waiting for?
By sister: ShiaRose |