Sister Vickey

It was almost a year ago I said, "Ash-Hadu Anla Elaha Illa-Allah Wa Ash-Hadu Anna Mohammadan Rasul-Allah", (There is no God worhty of worship but Allah and Mohammed is His messenger.) the words that forever changed my life. The time from me learning about Islam and becoming a Salafi, to the time of me finding the REAL Islam, the REAL Ahluls Sunnah, the path of the Shi'ite Ahlul Bayt was marked with great confusion, but also great learning, as well as growth.

I was born January 20, 1988 into a poor urban family. My father was an illegal immigrant from El Salvador and my mother was three times divorced with three other children. My father was abusive to my mother, so when I was two years old my mother moved from Texas to Missouri. That was the last time I saw my dad. Perhaps this why I felt a void in my life or maybe it was my childhood.
I didn't have a real childhood, although, it could have been worse. I had to grow up fast. We struggled and struggled which I believe made me humble inside. When I was about seven years old, I would ride the church bus to Sunday school. People were sort of nice to me, gaveme candy and little token-gifts for coming to church. Soon, my mother started going to church and my sister also.
My mother never liked to stay in one place too long so when I was almost 11 years old we moved back to Texas. Almost immediately my sister's father grew ill. After about a month, he couldn't even walk. We knew there was something more to his illness then what the doctors at the local clinic had said. We took him to a hospital and he was diagnosed with cancer. The doctors said he had 6 months to 2 years to live. He died in 6 months.
After his death, my sister started to question God, her beliefs, her religion. I did also. She was struggling with her beliefs and it in part took a toll on me as well.
We found out my sister was pregnant a couple weeks after her father died. She stayed with my mother and her boyfriend in their apartment. I stayed at the second apartment (really my mothers, where my sister, her father, and I lived) alone. However, my mom was there everyday. Now, I am sure you think that is absurd. But mentally, I advanced well before I should have.
It was summer time, and everyday I would wake up and go to the pool, hang out with the older teenagers, and live careless. I stayed out late at night, had coed sleepovers with out my mother knowing, started smoking, drinking, and began practicing Wicca (witchcraft/Paganism) with a "friend".
Before school started my mother moved back into her apartment full time. I remained careless and disrespectful. I had joined a gang "Latin Queens" . I was absent from school constantly. I had been in several fights and was reassigned to an alternative school for about two months. I was on probation and even had to do community service for the crimes I committed.
I finally knew I was going about life the wrong way. I was living like an animal, partying, being lustful, and listening to no one. I couldn't think of anything else to do, but pull away from everyone, at least till I figured out something certain in life. As a result of leaving the gang I couldn't go outside without fear so I had to stay indoors all the time. I couldn't do anything. I couldn't talk to anyone. I was all alone.
Finally, we moved a few hours away from where we lived to the suburbs and I had a chance to start over. Life was looking good. I was in advanced classes making wonderful grades, but for some reason I wasn't happy. I was insecure about everything. I felt like cattle just doing what I had to do. I was depressed all the time.
In the middle of the first semester I started dating a certain person. The relationship got emotional abusive. I felt like I had to have him, that I wasn't worthy of anyone else, and I did everything he said. I thought who else would love me? Who else would even bother with me?
My depression got worse and I started cutting my wrists. I wanted the pain and the hurt to leave me. I wasn't trying to kill myself. I was too afraid to go to hell or some place bad. I was tense and upset all the time. I cried nearly everyday , yelled at anyone who spoke to me, I hated life. I thought life was a waste!
My mother finally got sick of me, and sent me to Missouri for three months. After lots of fights and arguments with my mothers friend I was staying with, I started going to church again. I poured myself into studying Christianity. Normally the more you study the more you understand, but the more I read the more abstruse the religion became. The denominations were founded by simple people who wanted to add and change the religion from the true text. The doctrines seemed in accurate with what the Bible actually said. Every version and ruling in Christianity was different. How could I know what was right? How could this be right with all this confusion? I went to the library and read everything I could possibly find on the denominations in Christianity. Baptist, Mormon, Jehovah Witness, Non-Denominational, Greek Orthodox, Catholicism, Methodist, Pentecostal, Presbyterian...etc . I wanted to find the truth, but I couldn't do so in Christianity.
Eventually I stopped caring about religion all together. Logic and politics became my focus. I loved watching debates, reading about politics, and what not. As I started to study the Middle Eastern conflicts , I became more and more curious about the Arabic culture. Now, I had known a few Muslim people, but only one person I talked to on the internet decided to tell me about it in depth, even after I told him I wasn't interested in religion. He was a wahabi (salafi). He gave me a website to go to listen to lectures. I listened to "Why you should be a Muslim." "What's the purpose of life?" among others.
I thought about what the man told me and how much it made sense. (The basics of Islam that all schools of thoughts follow such as the real story of ISSA (JESUS) Peace Be Upon Him) Constantly, I was reading articles online. I submitted my name, address, and telephone number Islamicity in order to receive a free translation of the Quran and other Islamic literature.
Everyday I was learning something new, and everyday I started understanding the true purpose of life. We are to serve Allah, our creator. We are to fully submit ourselves to Him and purify ourselves so that we will be ready for the next life. I started to feel ashamed of the life I was living and had lived before. I was scared, shy and nervous about talking to anyone, but then one day.....
On January 24th, 2002, I received a call from a man who was volunteering for Islamicity. I was cooking at the time, but I let it burn. I wanted to hear what this man was saying. I wanted what I then thought was TRUTH! My heart had been crying silent tears from the beginning.
After hours of conversation, he asked me if I was ready to make Shahada (two testaments of faith). I made my Shahada. Yes, over the phone, before (via speaker phone) 7 brothers and sisters. First he told me what I was about to say in English, " There is no god apart from The God , and Muhammad is the Messenger of God." Then he told me to repeat after him in Arabic. At first I was nervous to say it in front of them, but as the words came out my mouth, "Ash-Hadu Anla Elaha Illa-Allah Wa Ash-Hadu Anna Mohammadan Rasul-Allah." I felt peace. I felt at ease and for the first time, I felt real love.
What lead me to say my Shahada was not the stories of the sahaba or the stories of the Ahlul Bayt (Peace and Blessings upon them), but rather the Miracles of the Qur'an. The beauty of the Holy Qur'an. It wasn't until later that I learned about the Sahaba and the Ahlul Bayt (Peace and Blessings upon them).
Now that I became a 'Muslim', I tired hard to do what I was told. The Salafi rulings are very much extreme and things I was told seemed harsh but I tried my best to do them. Things about a woman's voice being awrah, niqab fardh, a woman being unable to even wear her hair in a high ponytail in the privacy of her own home, extreme segregation, among others. Every salafi was telling me do this, you cant do this. This is haram (forbidden) or this was biddah (innovation). So slowly I backed away and stopped trying to learn more. I felt like I was a failure and I couldn't do anything.
Before I had even become Muslim, I did however, meet one Shia man. I had some curiosity as to why the things I did he said I didn't have to do or were innovation, so I asked the wahabi shiekhs and they told me all sorts of things, all far from the truth. Lies like the Shia worship Ali (as), Shia think Ali (AS) should have been the Rasul instead of Mohammed (SAW), the Angel Jibrael (Gabriel) had made a mistake, that they believed the Qur'an wasn't perfect and even that they had another Qur'an. I thought this was absurd!!! Crazy! I became a Muslim because of the Qur'ans perfection! Little did I know.
After awhile from my 'break' of Islam, I started to feel the way I felt before and I started to slip into my old disgusting self again. For awhile I didn't practice Islam like I was taught. I just sort of went with the flow of what I wanted to do. Then finally after lots of hurt and what not, I got in touch with the people I took my Shahada with in order to get some more materials and so I could gain knowledge. I started to study more and more and I started to wear hijab fulltime during late September.
During my conversations with Salafi ladies online, I was told to download PalTalk (a messenger service similar to Yahoo). I did and I talked to several people online. I began sitting in during online classes as well. During my time in the rooms I met a sister from the Ahlus Sunnah wa jamal of the Hanafi school of though. She would take me to private chat and talk to me. Many of things she said were down right contradictions to what I was taught. Then one day she started to talk to me about the wahabi. I rememberd once I had asked a 'friend' of mine what a wahahbi was and she told me the called Salafis wahabis. And she 'explained' to me why they did such. She said we are Salafi and Ahlus Sunnah. So I told they lady from Paltalk, what are you talking about? I am Salafi. I'm not kafir. I believe in Allah and His Messengers and the Angels and the Day of Judgement, etc. Then we had a long conversation and she directed me to many AICP sites for me to read and learn from. How could I possibly have thought such ways of Allah as to compare Him to His creation like the wahabi? How could I say that He has hands, "but not like our hands"? How could I say that Allah was above His throne? ASTAGAFURALLAH!! I decided then to seek more knowledge on the different sects of Islam and different schools of thoughts.
I didn't know exactly how to go about searching, but I decided while I was on PalTalk to go the room Shia The Right Path. While there, I just listened to them. Heard different arguments and listened to debates. I asked questions and got answers. The manners of the Shia were above all the other Muslims I have met. I started to truly realize everything I was being taught was wrong. What I was practicing was not Islam. Islam is following the Ahlul Bayt (Peace be upon them). I was directed to Shia websites where I could read more. I read A Shi'ite Encyclopedia and Then I Was Guided. I used my common sense and logic to figure it out. Who could be greater then the Prophet Mohammed's (Peace be upon him) family ? Who really knew the Sunnah of our beloved Rasul (Peace be upon him) more, His family or His companions? Who is the Household?
Finally, I had insight to the real Islam. The Islam that makes you happy and content. I feel now greater then I ever have before. The more I study and the more I learn, the more I am thankful to Allah that I am a Shia. I am a Shi'ite of the Ahlul Bayt. I am a follower of the Prophet's Mohammed Sunnah, his REAL Sunnah.
Becoming a Muslim wasn't easy. I lost friends and family members became upset. I have had to deal with a lot of verbal abuse from people. The only way I stayed strong and am staying strong is through the duahs and help of my Muslim brothers and sisters.
People do not change over night. One must realize that when he becomes a Muslim it still takes time to change all your ways. It is how ever easier with the help of Allah. ALLAHU AKBAR! Allah is the Greatest!