In Search of God…

My Story… 

 Sister Melanie Czekaj

* * *

We are all born with a free spirit (God given free will over mankind).   And with the free spirited attitude that I have, I chose to go about my conversion to the path of I in an unusual way.  I chose not to let my struggles with the non-Muslim community, in which I live, affect me.  This is because of my confidence in the tradition that the Prophet Mohammad advises us:   If one does what the creator loves, than the creation will love it, although they disliked it; however, if one gives into the creation and what they love, while the creator disliked it, eventually the creation would dislike it.

*

And the creator, the one, unique God loves it when a human being chooses to devote himself to the orders or commands specifically designed for his own nature for the betterment of his individual enlightenment to eventually reach unto the betterment of humanity in general. This is Islam, to acknowledge our lowliness compared to God and the beauty of his merciful gifts, to accept them by surrendering ourselves.        

*

That became my goal in this life, after I have lived in that western life of over-rated individuality, where each person seeks in their life to become their own, unique individual. I sought to find out who I was in life. I bent over backwards trying to do this, experimented things, living in the fantasy world, wanting to satisfy or fill that magnetically God attracted hole inside of my heart (but not knowing that it was God that I was searching for, in order to really know my true individuality.)

*

Ever since I was a young girl I analyzed the happenings of my experiences in life. Learning to love others, to feel the pain of hurt feelings, to watch people with less fortune than myself, with physical illnesses, or even the disease of having everything and still not being happy, I turned to God. I would watch in his sky, the stars at night, and really contemplate the question of “Why.” 

*

Although I was raised Christian, skipping school, running into my church trying to heal the uncertainty that I started to feel, after I heard of the truth of I from some friends, I would pray to God, “Oh the friend of mine that I knew all of my life, the creator of those stars, that I would watch, please show me the truth.” Because I knew that if you seek the Lord he would reveal himself to you.

*

“La ilaha ill Allah” (there is no deity to be worshiped, but the unified God) was the truth, that I have found, God sent to me to conclude with.  Under this heavy phrase lies, the faith and actions that come hand to hand in the religion of Islam for the happiest life, the completion of my spirituality that could never be fully filled from the similar respected religion of Christianity or any other due to their lack of really knowing God’s unity, the core of understanding the prophets though out mankind teaching us the origins of the true human individuality, and answers to all of those questions that lead people to depression and dissatisfaction that give reason and meaning to virtues and the value of any struggle or difference one may have and really striving for justice.

*

I sincerely, from the bottom of my heart have never felt like I was really myself, my own individual. I am truly happy, a joy that comes from inside.  It may not be understandable to the outside, seeing eye. I even cover myself with hijab, so how could that be. Me? Melanie Czekaj? An individual? She doesn’t have any style now, only the piece of cloth on herself.  I hear people say when I go here and there, “life is short, live it up”. But this phrase is lack of faith to me.

*

The faithful eye, the one who could see beyond this world, would not take this constantly changing world that the human being can not keep up with and leave it. Due to his faith in the afterlife (the eternity compared to this short life.)

*

I would not have ever known or valued true faith without God’s guidance, and I would have never known the true I or “la ilaha ill Allah” with out the guidance of the Ahlul Bayt (the prophet and his household.)  I was a witness to this in February, 2003.