“HE BRINGS THEM
OUT OF THE DARKNESS INTO THE LIGHT”.
(The Holy Qur’an 2-257)
The story of a convert.
“In
the Name of ALLAH, the Beneficent, the Merciful”
The
Darkness:
The aeroplane had not yet left the ground
and I felt a pounding in my chest, I have flown on planes many times, so
I knew it was not fear of flying. I had just finished visiting some
people that I knew and I was rather full of anxiousness, looking forward
to going home after a rather strange, bizarre and uncomfortable visit. I
told myself the things that I had seen on this trip I must put behind me
and forget. When I finally got to my seat my heart was overcome with
grief, a kind of grief that I had never experienced before. I was lucky
I was seated alone so I took a blanket, covered myself, laid down and
cried bitterly and painfully for the entire 5 hour flight home. Little
did I know that flight home would forever change my existence.
The Prophet Muhammad (saww) said:
“ALLAH the
Almighty loves any grieving heart”.
(Al-Seyed
Nasih al-Din/ Mishkat ul-Anwar fi Ghurar il-Akhbar 1646.)
Many months before this incident, I had been reflecting very deeply
about existence, creation, life, death, good and evil. I realised during
this visit that these people whom I knew for many years, where somehow
different to me and I sensed that I seemed somehow different to them. My
heart and soul was very far from them, I had very little to say to them
and did not find myself comfortable around them. I changed my flight to
leave there one and a half weeks earlier than scheduled, I could no
longer support being around these people. I found myself distant; upon
my return I found my apartment a sort of prison chamber, however, when I
went out to breathe, the society around me disappointed and angered me,
yet I had lived in this city all my life. I suddenly felt deep regret
about my life, my conduct, my behaviour, my goals, my morality and my
entire existence up to that point. I did not feel like someone in a
depression, no this was much more spiritual and much more repentant, and
not just a case of feeling sorry for myself.
“And HE is it WHO accepts repentance from HIS
servants and pardons the evil deeds and HE knows what you do”.
(The
Holy Qur’an 42 Al-Shura-25)
Many times I had looked for answers to my
questions by different sources and every time I searched with what the
Occidental social system had to offer. I found myself in a deeper state
of confusion and destitution. Their answers always had the same old
themes to their so called solutions: “HAVE FUN!”
and in order to have what they call fun, you need a lot of material
things and money. In order to get more material and money, you must then
work much harder and longer. They keep pushing their materialistic
illusions and dreams to the population, through their 24 hour media
(television, magazines, radio, music, etc…), to the point that man ends
up working himself away in useless jobs (except for making the system
richer), he soon starts to loose touch with himself to the point he
turns to intoxicants to relieve his ever growing stress. While his debt
grows, he turns to crime in order to try and gain more money and then he
becomes a social problem. The authorities then take full advantage of
this poor deprived ignorant worker and blame him for all the problems of
their heartless system. And if you dare to say to them before all this
happens, “perhaps I can find my answers from God?” They
answer you “Perhaps we can recommend a very good doctor for you”.
“Evil
is that for which they have sold their souls-that they should deny what
ALLAH has revealed, out of envy that ALLAH should send down of HIS grace
on whomsoever of his servants HE pleases; so they have made themselves
deserving of wrath upon wrath, and there is a disgraceful punishment for
the unbelievers”.
(The
Holy Qur’an 2 Al-Baqarah 90)
But
let’s not drift away from the subject at hand. Once I finally realised
that the social system could not, in any way attend and cater to my
needs, I decided to find another path. At this point I had now realised
my heart was cold, hard and empty, my life no longer had any reason or
essence. I woke up like an animal, I spent my day like an animal and I
ended my days like an animal. “Surely the
vilest of animals, in ALLAH’s sight, are the deaf, the dumb, who do not
understand”.
(The
Holy Qur’an 8 Al-Anfal 22).
The
Distant Dawn:
In
order to find something to give me life again, I decided to turn towards
God and religion. I studied some different religions; the first was to
go back to my origins Christianity. I always deep down believed in a
God, but the Christian point of view for me was limited, closed and very
hard to accept. I recalled that whenever I questioned Christian
authorities about certain issues, they could never give me an adequate
answer. It seemed their policy was “take what we give you and be
quiet”. My heart cracked even more when I attempted to go to a
religious gathering, given by a certain Christian group. I felt like I
was attending a social club, where each person was put into his or her
social class. The orator spoke of nothing of true importance, his speech
lacked any traits of morality and was little more then a sing along
after reading verses with no apparent objective, later he told us how
after many years of material success, it was then, perhaps, a good time
for people to think of marriage. “And what should we do in the
meantime and can we receive support from this community if we were ready
to be married and were not materially successful?”
I asked. The whole congregation gave me a
cold stare as if my questioning the speaker was a sin. The worst was
when I overheard some people there, planning their activities for after
the religious gathering, I cannot even repeat the things I heard, said
by them, they who claimed to be religious people. I guess they practiced
the so-called “HAVE FUN!” policy constantly fed to us by
every means possible. At that point I got up and I left very
disappointed, I thought surely Christianity would be far from the
material traps of our Occidental society.
I was wrong.
“And be not like those who
came forth from their homes in great exultation and to be seen of men,
and (who) turn away from the way of ALLAH, and ALLAH comprehends what
they do”.
(The
holy Qur’an 8 Al-Anfal 47)
To be honest I always got very confused
when God was described in forms, with body parts, with partners, in
groups, as objects or as human. My idea of god at that time was much
greater than any of the religions I explored. I could not understand why
they insisted to put God in a certain image and then tear down that
image in order to fit their groups’ (religious movements) desires. As if
they, in some hidden way, wanted to have some sort of control over God
(may ALLAH Azz wa Jall forbid such blasphemous ways of thinking), much
like the idolaters of ancient times. Truly I only found ignorance in
their calling for somehow they lacked any sense of truth in what they
preached. But I don’t want to go far from the subject at hand. I needed
to find The One Creator and the Only Originator
above all existence; I had not yet discovered Islam.
“And most of them
do not follow (anything) but conjecture; surely conjecture will not
avail aught against the truth; surely ALLAH is cognizant of what they
do”.
(The
Holy Qur’an 10 Yunus 36)
Then one day I read: “La ilaha illa Llah”
(There is no god but ALLAH) on
a short booklet from
Iran, that a man showed me, who said he was going to become a Muslim in
order to get married to a certain lady. My interest drifted away quickly
from his story, for the words I had just read on the booklet are the
words I longed for so long to hear. The sight of such miraculous words
took me away far from where I was. I politely asked him to borrow the
booklet and quickly went home. When I arrived, I pulled the booklet out
of my back-pack and began to read it. Never had I read such words, I
only imagined such great things or seen them in dreams, I was
overwhelmed with joy and happiness and at the same time full of
repentance and regret not to have found such truth before. I needed to
know more so the next day, I returned to the man who lent me the
booklet, I asked him if he had any other literature on Islam or knew
anyone who did. He knew very little about the subject, however, he did
lend me another booklet and a translation of the Holy Qur’an. I decided
to read them carefully and to try to find answers to my questions, a new
day was dawning.
“He said: O my lord! Expand my breast for me”.
(The Holy Qur’an 20 Ta-Ha 25)
The
Purification of my Heart
I
closed myself in my apartment and began to read it, or did I?
I felt more
like I was being absorbed into the miraculous sentences written within
the pages. I kept telling myself this was for sure not written by any
man. My true understanding of the Holy Qur’an at that time was very
limited, but believe me my brothers and sisters, I, at that very second
testified to my most inner self that I was holding in my hands the
Greatest Miracle to ever come down to mankind. My heart was beating
rapidly, the more I read the more I fell into a deep state of
repentance. As I read more I kept asking myself “What have you
been doing with yourself all of this time?”
I wasted 33 years of my life, living with
no heart, ignorantly, arrogantly, in painful lies, amongst the
non-merciful, wasting my time and life in idle activities, living only
for the temporary joys of this transitory life. I felt so much remorse,
regret, disgrace and pain. Besides this I felt so incredibly overwhelmed
that despite all the wrong I had done ALLAH (swt) in all His Mercy and
Compassion gave me the chance to discover the truth and purity of
ALLAH’s chosen religion Islam. For 2 days and nights I stayed in my
apartment reading the Holy Qur’an, reflecting, repenting and crying.
“Yet surely your Lord, with respect to those who do an evil in
ignorance, then turn after that and make amends, most surely your Lord
after that is Forgiving and Merciful”.
(The
Holy Qur’an 16 An-Nahl 119)
I cannot put into words or in feelings the
incredible effect and overwhelming impact that the discovery of Islam
had and still has on me. Every second of my life ever since that day I
am so thankful to ALLAH (swt) for opening my heart to this Miracle. The
first thing I did I searched to find how I could take the pledge (shahadatayn)
of faith and to begin my life. I found a Sheikh that I could easily go
and visit and open my heart completely to ALLAH, to beg forgiveness, to
re-discover life and Insha’ALLAH take the Straight Path. After a very
interesting discourse I made the pledge with the words:
“Ashhadu an la ilaha illa-Llah, wa ashhadu
anna Muhammadan Rasulu-Llah”.
It was only a week or so before the Holy month of Ramadan; even though I
did not have knowledge of all the facets of fasting (physically,
emotionally, spiritually, religiously, etc…) I did decide to fast this
most privileged month and the first experience of fasting was a great
one. I also began to purchase books in order to learn more and to gain
closeness to ALLAH Azz wa Jall. My life forever changed at that moment I
began to sleep better, I began to notice and see things I had never
understood before. I began my Jihad against my ‘self’, I repented so
much and I realised the inner battle will be one that will never end,
this new inner conscious and code of morality, not only imprinted in my
mind, but in my heart and soul as well. Imam Ali (a-s) said:
“A man’s
personality is imperfect before he learns the religious questions,
manages the affairs of his livelihood moderately, tolerates the
misfortunes that befall him and finds sweet the bitterness of friends”.
(Tuhaf Al-Uquul chapt Imam Ali (a-s) hadith # 148)
Into the Light of Islam
The deep regret and repentance I felt traveled with me at all times,
along with the new light of hope. Until this day I ask myself WHY? Why
did ALLAH Azz wa Jall open my heart, why did he fill me with so much
love, never did I ever do anything to ever deserve one tiny little small
microscopic blessing or mercy. But ALLAH (swt) gave me the greatest and
biggest blessing man can ever possibly want and need. ALLAH opened my
heart to ISLAM in HIS Enormous and never ending Generosity, HE gave me
the opportunity to strive in his way and possibly enter paradise to live
in felicity and blissful happiness for all eternity. And every day that
I raise from my bed I thank ALLAH (swt) for this amazing chance; I
reflect and thank ALLAH (swt) for this is possibly my last day in this
life. And I go to sleep at night thanking ALLAH (swt), reflecting and
knowing that the Angel of death may take me tonight. Truly ALLAH (swt)
saved me from the darkest possible place on earth, and HE filled me with
the greatest of lights, the Light of truth, the Light of ISLAM. Glory to
ALLAH (swt) THE MOST HIGH, THE MOST MERCIFUL. I became very interested
in studying Islam in a deeper way, I tried to get knowledge were I
could, I began to buy many books on many different Islamic subjects. Its
now been about 4 years since I’ve embraced Islam, I now have over 400
books about Islam in my home, until now I’ve read over 130 books on
different Islamic issues (Alhamdulillah wa Shukranlillah), I read
constantly and study what I read, I try to practise what I learn. I
dedicate all the free time I get in order to learn more, not out of
obligation, but out of pure and deep love for ALLAH (swt). I’ve chosen
to follow the school of the Ahlul-Bayt (a-s), and when I embraced Islam
with all of its glory, I embraced it as a Shia. For Shi’ism was the only
logical way to the
True
Islam.
I now hope Insha’ALLAH to have an opportunity to advance and to go to
study in the Hawza and to gain even more closeness to my most beloved
Lord ALLAH Azz wa Jall, I truly pray that this opportunity will come to
me Insha’ALLAH.
“Therefore remember ME, I will remember you, and be thankful to ME, and
do not be ungrateful to ME”.
(The Holy Qur’an 1 Al-Baqarah 152)
My Teacher:
I am also constantly blessed by ALLAH (swt) in so many different ways.
One week after converting to Islam, I decided that it would be very
important to learn Arabic in order to understand many of the deeper
meanings of the Holy Qur’an and the teachings of the Prophet Muhammad
(saww) and his Ahlul-Bayt (a-s). With the guidance of ALLAH (swt) I
obtained the name and phone number of a scholar, I contacted him and met
him at his office. He was very kind and has been extremely patient with
me. He taught me the Arabic alphabet then to read, write and speak. May
ALLAH (swt) bless him and his family with the best of blessings both in
this life and for the hereafter. He also showed me the Salat (prayer)
and many other Islamic Issues; he became a best friend, a trustworthy
companion and the very best of brothers. He always took the best care of
me since the beginning. May ALLAH Azz wa Jall be pleased with him.
“They shall have the abode of peace with their Lord, and He is their
guardian because of what they did”.
(The Holy Qur’an 6 Al-An’am127)
“Surely
(as for) those who believe and do good deeds for them will ALLAH bring
about love”.
(The Holy Qur’an 19 Maryam 96)
My Brothers:
As
I began to understand more about the deeper aspects of Islam, I began to
visit Masjids (mosques) and met many good and supportive brothers. I
also got the chance to exchange ideals and knowledge with them. Many of
them took a lot of care to be sure I was always comfortable in all
circumstances. They always made me feel very happy. They truly have a
place in my heart and all my support in all occasions. The brotherhood
they showed me, I never thought possible before I embraced Islam. To
them all I owe many thanks, they have followed the lead of their Prophet
Muhammad (saww) in promoting equality and brotherly love. Surely I can
never say enough good things about them, they are an example for all.
They are truly righteous and good. Imam Sajjad (a-s) said: “The
meeting of the righteous invites you to goodness”.
(Bihar-ul-Anwar, vol.78, p.151)
Our Community:
The support and good hearts of the people
of our Islamic community shines like no other. We must continue to
spread the true message of Islam; we are the guides for the ignorant and
lost. We must now more than ever stand together in a strong bond, so we
can reach even further and go beyond our expectations. We must not
forget we are the followers of the religion of ALLAH (swt) and it is
this religion that HE chose for our Prophet Muhammad (saww) and for all
of mankind. Believe me brothers and sisters if you knew what life was
like far away from Islam, you would protect your beliefs, your morals
and your Islamic faith above all things and until your death. We must
not forget that our Imam; Imam Muhammad Al-Mahdi (a-s) (may ALLAH (swt)
hurry his advent) will re-appear, we must be an outstanding community to
receive such a great honour and privilege. And by the power of ALLAH Azz
wa Jall he will be commanded to judge amongst us. We must be to him as
the companions of Imam Hussayn (a-s) were to Imam Hussayn (a-s) on the
day of Ashura in Karbala. I thank you all for your continuous support.
Imam Ali (a-s) said:
“The best of you are those
whom when seen remind the people of ALLAH (swt)”.
(Mishkat-ul-Anwar
fi Ghuraril-Akhbar Hadith # 525)
As for myself:
It is very difficult for me to put into words all the greatness and all
the blessings and peace Islam has given to me. For all of us it is not
so important how and when we became a Muslim (by birth or by
conversion), it is much more important the fact that this extraordinary
blessing of purity and truth has deeply touched and effected our lives
and it is at very least our duty to protect it, to follow and obey the
word of ALLAH Azz wa Jall (The Holy Qur’an), to follow the teachings of
our beloved and infallible Prophet Muhammad (saww) and his pure and
infallible Ahlul-Bayt (a-s). I pray that I may be successful in my
travel towards the Straight Path. I strive to turn away from this
transitory life’s material distractions, I tremble and shake to be one
who on The Day of Judgement has a bright and clear face and not a
blacken and mournful face. I beg and plead to ALLAH (swt) to please give
me protection from all evils around, in front, in back, above, below me
and those contained within me. I cry and repent to ALLAH (swt) for
guidance in all my affairs and to make me one who lives completely and
only to be close and near to ALLAH (swt). I beseech and Implore for
forgiveness for all the sins, errors, misdeeds, transgressions, offences
and wicked acts that I had committed, that I am committing, and that I
will commit. All praises and all thanks are to ALLAH (swt) The CREATOR
and The ORIGINATOR of absolutely all existence; never can I thank ALLAH
Azz wa Jall enough for saving me from the horrible darkness that I lived
in and the most atrocious hell fire I was preparing for myself in my
extreme ignorance. Now the veil has dropped to the ground around me and
for the first time in my life I can see the TRUTH. O ALLAH,
please protect us from the fire, O ALLAH, bless Muhammad and his
Ahlul-Bayt just as THOU hast guided us by him! Bless Muhammad and his
Ahlul-Bayt just as THOU hast rescued us through him! Bless Muhammad and
his Ahlul-Bayt with a blessing that will intercede for us on the Day of
Resurrection, the day of neediness toward you! THOU art powerful over
everything, and that is easy for YOU!
“ALLAH is the guardian of those who believe. HE brings them out of the
darkness into the light”.
(The Holy Qur’an 2 Al-Baqarah 257).
A Very Special Thank-you:
I wish to thank all the entire Community of Islam and in particular my
very dear brothers at Al-Hawra.com and Masjid Al-Hawra Zainab (a-s)
Foundation for all of their support and encouragement, for their great
friendship and brotherhood. May ALLAH AZZ wa JALL bless them and their
families.
The most meaningless and insignificant: Brother Ali Ja’afary Stump. |